It was hardly a surprise, Michael Jackson had been looking a little pale lately, but what a weird coincidence – Farah Fawcett and Jacko both died on same day – One fucked Majors, one fucked Minors!
Jackson 5 Reunion Tour Tickets... Now 20% off!
Meanwhile every celebrity under the sun is pushing their way into the limelight to comment on Jacko’s death… Manchester United boss Alex ferguson was heard to comment “well at least I’ll still be playing Giggs next month”.
Madonna apparently ‘can’t stop crying’, but then neither can the O2 ticket touts! Looks like my tickets are staying in the drawer now next to my Woolworths gift vouchers. Still, at the end of the day you can say what you like about Michael Jackson, but at least he drove past schools slowly.
I’m not normally one to criticise, but if you’re a pretty young girl, why the fuck have a tattoo right across the middle of your boat race? Luckily Kimberley wasn’t very pretty even before the artwork, but even more ridiculous than the actual idea, why would anyone sane trust a freak like Romanian Rouslan Toumaniantz to get the job done right? – He doesn’t even speak her language for fucks sake!
Starred for life
Surprise surprise, Kimberly got home to a bollocking off her Dad ….And no doubt her boyfriend refused her sex for a short time when he saw the result. Kims excuse? No, not an acceptable reason like wanting to live on benefits for the rest of her life …Instead she claims she fell asleep in the tattooists chair after asking for just 3 stars. Bullshit!
Loser - Rouslan Toumaniantz, Social Worker.
Something a little more pleasant to look at, a temporary lipstick ‘tattoo’ pic emailed to me by a young lady going by the name of ‘Cumslut’. What a nice girl.
A Winner - Take her home to meet Mum and Dad
For those of you old enough to have tugged the todger while she modelled knickers and bra’s for Playtex, here’s a quick thought…
Wouldn’t it be great if Ulrika Jonsson married Real Madrid midfielder Kaka?
John Leslie is Innocent (Josef Fritzel too)
And, talking about overpaid, lazy, arrogant, greasy cunts,
Here’s one to sing on the terraces of Old Trafford…
You put your transfer in, your transfer out, in out in out you fuck your club about, You do the Cristiano and you change your mind, that’s what its all about! Ohhh Ronaldo is a wanker – Ohhh Ronaldo is a wanker – Ohhh ronaldo is a wanker… Knees bent, arms stretched DIVE DIVE DIVE!
Ron’s had a few tasty birds in the past, but now he’s shagging Paris Hilton – Ironic really, his career’s been hampered by video evidence of him going down easily, whereas hers… To be honest though, nobody’s fooled. Seen pictured recently in a skin tight – nipple rubbing polo shirt, Soprano inducing nylon shorts, and a pink cap complete with matching flower accessory… That’s evidence enough, but the icing on the cake – waxed legs.
Waxed legs for fucks sake! You don’t need to be Einstein.
Cristiano Ronaldo does not pack fudge (allegedly)
Well summer came and went last week. The temperature’s up and down like Jordans Knickers. Still, down the South Coast there was the usual bevvy of bikini clad beauties on Bournemouth beach, each providing an absolute feast of top totty eye candy.
Lily Allen in a rare, 'tits NOT out' pose
Luckily though, there were those who, I assume due to the ‘downturn’, improvised and created their own swimwear…
Draw your own 'drawers' - the Recession Bikini
But, for the impoverished without even a packet of crayons to hide their modesty, the tan-line pants are always a hit with the guys… And should be positively encouraged.
A bald cunt (No, not Bruce Willis this time)
Finally, in the interests of looking incredibly sexy and attracting hordes of young ladies on the beach…
Gillette. The best a cunt can get
Pair of Cunts
What a pair of cunts. Firstly, ‘thanks’ to Chris Moyles. Two fucking weeks listening to that shite Scott Mills on Radio 1 every morning while Moyles jolly’s around the world holidaying on our BBC licence fee. Yes I know he pays the outdated TV tax too, but unlike us, he gets a £700,000 rebate every year. Fat Bastard.
DJ Moyles negotiates new contract with Radio 1 boss
Second, the twat on the reception of the Travelodge in North London who fucked up my booking, charged my Visa card twice, then stuck me in a mouldy shoe box sized cell for the night. Just for the record, if you are so desperate as to stay the night there, he was the one with the face that looked like a dog licking piss off a nettle.
Travelodge - Crap
Michael Jackson got skin cancer, but he reckons he can beat it, just beat it! Talking of abused kids, Sainsbury’s are offering Innocent Kid’s juices. Jacko and Gary Glitter will be fighting for the last pack.
Sweet
Britney. Fuckable
Jackson. Fucked up.
You can say what you want about silicone addict Katie Price and husband Peter Andre, but at least their marriage lasted longer than Jade Goody’s. Poor pete must be gutted though. No sex for 4 months! Jordan’s a slapper of a misses anyway, but worst of all the dickhead signed a pre-nup – he won’t get a penny of the tarts £40million. One way he could make a few quid though… Apparently the bookies are now taking bets on Madonna adopting Harvey.
Jordan - Not drunk. Not ugly.
Just to take your mind off the above picture, Government Ministers bogus (fraudulent!) expense claims and the recession (swine flu’s been forgotten already), go ahhh at the cutsey pic of a little girl…
No Fucking Fun.
British tax payers forking out their hard earned for MP’s to pay for their porn films, Tampax, plasma TV’s, horse manure, etc, etc, etc!!! Gordon Brown’s fucked. This country’s fucked.
STFU
I resisted for months, then in a moment of weakness, (six pints of Stella) I typed ‘Twitter’ into Firefox. I chose a shit username – All the decent ones had gone – Jesus (”Hanging around, biting my nails”…), The Queen (”Just had a dolphin sandwich and now walking the corgi’s”) Adolf Hitler, etc…. I signed up, typed an obscene message, then promptly sobered up and forgot about it. There, I admitted it. I’ll go to heaven now.
Twatter
I wanted to resist talking about swine flu. Thing is, when my girlfriend phoned to say she was scared to put fuel in the car in case she caught the pig flu virus I thought I’d mention it. She was heading for the petrol station absolutely terrified. That is until I explained the bug came from Mexico NOT Texaco! Apparently she’d also tried to ring the swine flu hot-line, but no one answered… All she got was crackling. Perhaps she should be more concerned about the new diet drug, Alli thats just been launched. It’s available without a visit to the doctor and makes your shit greasy. It also makes you thinner so be careful!
Yes, it is the same girl.
It’s the worlds classiest toilet roll dispenser. Pull the tissue out of a cute arse. To dream up this crazy idea is pretty cool, but to actually put the thing into production to promote your product is just pure genious. I want one.
Surprise, it comes out white!
A 'hole' lot more.
Britains Got Talent’s virgin Susan Boyle is all over the news. Record breaking YouTube views, appearences on American TV, the whole world thinks Susan Boyle is the mutts nuts. Well, she ain’t. Muff muncher Lady GaGa gets my vote. Not some monstrous scottish pie eater with Noel Gallagher eyebrows.
Gagging for it... Lady GaGa
OK, I couldn’t resist. Here’s my photoshop attempt at a Susan Boyle makeover…
Boyle in the Bag
No, not girls kissing, girls PISSING!
Peeing, pissing, or taking a dump. What happens behind the (usually) closed doors of a ladies loo? An interesting insight here with girly moment toilet pictures for your curious enjoyment.
A Pair of Pissers
Pissing is more fun if you share the experience with a girlfriend.
Boob job, defo!
Look out for a wet patch on the towel when drying your face love.
Do I look Flushed?
Even when undressed, keep a camera with you at all times for a personal self pic. This is me. Naked. Having a pee.
Hygenic? Not!
But ingenious though. Might try that myself!
Taking down your particulars...
Drop your pants ladies. Much easier to aim that way.
Two's Company
Very cosy. Could get messy though!
Nice shoes...
Posh birds never take off their shoes to use the toilet. So no stepping in puddles.
Small tits? Not a problem for me – But self induced and purple, no thank you!
Your dinner's in the bowl next to you - Dog!
Naked old woman, strap-on cock, curtains clashing with the wallpaper. Sick to the extreme.
Who’s the freakiest – The old crone, or the old guy she’s about to shaft?
Adult Shit
A random selection of free adult pics linking to the best the web can offer for free. What more could you want?
Amateur Pussy Pics
The girl next door, girlfriends, wives, self pics and private stolen pictures – All showing their cunt to the world. So me your’s, I’ll show you mine:)
Why the fuck would this silly tart let some ‘wanna be’ David Bailey with a digital camera in the bathroom while she loses her breakfast? And those fuckin’ shades…
Taking a Dump
Gordon Brown – ‘Go Bro’
I didn’t really want to bring politics to a site that could be showing pictures of naked babes, but Gordon Brown, (’Go Bro’) is a pompous arrogant fat cunt. So I will. He fucked away billions of tax payers pound notes when Northern Rock went tits up, and hasn’t stopped since. Brown falls over himself to implement an idea given to him by the Bank of England, and gives the gready fuckers the dosh.
After 11 years of ‘controlling’ the UK’s finances. Now every bank in the land holds out the begging bowl after their bosses creamed millions from the coffers year after year and now expect the taxpayer to buy them a new yacht.it’s time to Go Bro!
13 Year old’s ingenuity…
Wow, modern technology! when I was a kid we’d sellotape a mirror to our shoe and… Never mind!
Thong - Sweaty Crack
Reckon the guy in the background with the magazine’s got this little perv sussed;)
