Suck My Dick » My Shit

Rücksprung durch Technik

admin — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:01:10 +0000

Peter Harvey… A good old fashioned teacher who’s not afraid to throw his weight around!
Quoted as saying “Teaching is all about opening a child’s mind” nobody guessed he meant all over the classroom floor.

Meanwhile, recovering in hospital, pupil Jack Waterhouse (who’s alledgedly NOT a foul mouthed, smug little cunt) say’s he’s not going back to school because “His teacher does his head in”

Jack BEFORE the attack

Bubble Boob

Photographer Richard Heeks (36, so should know better) spent a month of his action packed life taking pictures of bubbles bursting in his back garden.

Burst your Bubble

Very facinating, but suck my dick has found out exactly how he stopped himself going absolutely nuts with boredom during his quest for the ultimate pop-shot .

Bubble Boob!

Rücksprung durch Technik

Wanna-be pop sensation, 16 year old German born, Kim Petras seems to have everything she needs, the looks, the voice, the backing of her parents…

Rücksprung durch Technik

Well, maybe not quite everything. ‘She’ is actually missing the dick she had removed last October to become the worlds youngest sex change freak.Growing up as Tim, his parents remarked ” we always saw Tim as a girl, but our life was surprisingly normal”
Yep it’s normal for a parent to arrange hormone therapy at for a 13 year old boy to prevent facial hair growth and his voice breaking. And giving your consent to a cock-chop-op at 16 to further your childs pop singing career is ’surprisingly normal’ too. Vorsprung durch Technik?

R.I.P, easy as 1, 2, 3….

admin — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 17:04:09 +0000

It was hardly a surprise, Michael Jackson had been looking a little pale lately, but what a weird coincidence – Farah Fawcett and Jacko both died on same day – One fucked Majors, one fucked Minors!

Jackson Five Reunion Tour Tickets... Now 20% off!

Meanwhile every celebrity under the sun is pushing their way into the limelight to comment on Jacko’s death…
Manchester United boss Alex ferguson was heard to comment “well at least I’ll still be playing Giggs next month”.

Madonna apparently ‘can’t stop crying’, but then neither can the O2 ticket touts! Looks like my tickets are staying in the drawer now next to my Woolworths gift vouchers.
Still, at the end of the day you can say what you like about Michael Jackson, but at least he drove past schools slowly.

Starred For Life

admin — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 17:22:12 +0000

I’m not normally one to criticise, but if you’re a pretty young girl, why the fuck have a tattoo right across the middle of your boat race? Luckily Kimberley wasn’t very pretty even before the artwork, but even more ridiculous than the actual idea, why would anyone sane trust a freak like Romanian Rouslan Toumaniantz to get the job done right? – He doesn’t even speak her language for fucks sake!

Starred for life

Surprise surprise, Kimberly got home to a bollocking off her Dad ….And no doubt her boyfriend refused her sex for a short time when he saw the result.
Kims excuse? No, not an acceptable reason like wanting to live on benefits for the rest of her life …Instead she claims she fell asleep in the tattooists chair after asking for just 3 stars. Bullshit!

Loser - Rouslan Toumaniantz, Social Worker.

Something a little more pleasant to look at, a temporary lipstick ‘tattoo’ pic emailed to me by a young lady going by the name of ‘Cumslut’. What a nice girl.

A Winner - Take her home to meet Mum and Dad

Ulrikakaka

admin — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:27:50 +0000

For those of you old enough to have tugged the todger while she modelled knickers and bra’s for Playtex, here’s a quick thought…

Wouldn’t it be great if Ulrika Jonsson married Real Madrid midfielder Kaka?

John Leslie is Innocent (Josef Fritzel too)

And, talking about overpaid, lazy, arrogant, greasy cunts,

Here’s one to sing on the terraces of Old Trafford…

You put your transfer in, your transfer out, in out in out you fuck your club about,
You do the Cristiano and you change your mind, that’s what its all about!
Ohhh Ronaldo is a wanker – Ohhh Ronaldo is a wanker – Ohhh ronaldo is a wanker…
Knees bent, arms stretched DIVE DIVE DIVE!

Ron’s had a few tasty birds in the past, but now he’s shagging Paris Hilton – Ironic really, his career’s been hampered by video evidence of him going down easily, whereas hers…
To be honest though, nobody’s fooled. Seen pictured recently in a skin tight – nipple rubbing polo shirt, Soprano inducing nylon shorts, and a pink cap complete with matching flower accessory… That’s evidence enough, but the icing on the cake – waxed legs.

Waxed legs for fucks sake! You don’t need to be Einstein.

Cristiano Ronaldo does not pack fudge (allegedly)

Storm in a DD-Cup

admin — Wed, 13 May 2009 17:04:51 +0000

You can say what you want about silicone addict Katie Price and husband Peter Andre, but at least their marriage lasted longer than Jade Goody’s.
Poor pete must be gutted though. No sex for 4 months! Jordan’s a slapper of a misses anyway, but worst of all the dickhead signed a pre-nup – he won’t get a penny of the tarts £40million.
One way he could make a few quid though… Apparently the bookies are now taking bets on Madonna adopting Harvey.

Jordan - Not drunk. Not ugly.

Just to take your mind off the above picture, Government Ministers bogus (fraudulent!) expense claims and the recession (swine flu’s been forgotten already), go ahhh at the cutsey pic of a little girl…

No Fucking Fun.

Swine Flu

admin — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 08:44:14 +0000

I wanted to resist talking about swine flu.
Thing is, when my girlfriend phoned to say she was scared to put fuel in the car in case she caught the pig flu virus I thought I’d mention it. She was heading for the petrol station absolutely terrified. That is until I explained the bug came from Mexico NOT Texaco!
Apparently she’d also tried to ring the swine flu hot-line, but no one answered… All she got was crackling.
Perhaps she should be more concerned about the new diet drug, Alli thats just been launched. It’s available without a visit to the doctor and makes your shit greasy. It also makes you thinner so be careful!

Yes, it is the same girl.

Susan Boyle

admin — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 06:14:09 +0000

Britains Got Talent’s virgin Susan Boyle is all over the news. Record breaking YouTube views, appearences on American TV, the whole world thinks Susan Boyle is the mutts nuts.
Well, she ain’t. Muff muncher Lady GaGa gets my vote. Not some monstrous scottish pie eater with Noel Gallagher eyebrows.

Gagging for it... Lady GaGa

OK, I couldn’t resist. Here’s my photoshop attempt at a Susan Boyle makeover…

Boyle in the Bag

Credit Cruncher

admin — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 06:54:21 +0000

Gordon Brown – ‘Go Bro’

I didn’t really want to bring politics to a site that could be showing pictures of naked babes, but Gordon Brown, (‘Go Bro’) is a pompous arrogant fat cunt. So I will. He fucked away billions of tax payers pound notes when Northern Rock went tits up, and hasn’t stopped since. Brown falls over himself to implement an idea given to him by the Bank of England, and gives the gready fuckers the dosh.

Go Bro’

After 11 years of ‘controlling’ the UK’s finances. Now every bank in the land holds out the begging bowl after their bosses creamed millions from the coffers year after year and now expect the taxpayer to buy them a new yacht.it’s time to Go Bro!

She Ain't Nothin' But…

admin — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 17:09:39 +0000

Ekaterina Ivanova – Tits out!

What attracts a pretty 20 year old girl in to the bed of a 61 year old man? Absolutely nothing except pound notes. Millions of them!
Surely stone(d) Ronnie Wood can see that this gold digging little slut is gonna dump him (after a few months of frantic screwing trying to get pregnant) and sell her story to the world media for even more wonga?

Ekaterina Ivavova - Ronny Woods' Slapper

So why the fuck is ‘Randy Ronnie’ shagging a Russian bird a third of his age who’d screw him for a fortune when he’s lucky enough to have a loyal, loving (and pretty fit) wife?
Because he’s a dirty old bastard. Plain and simple.